Ten Thousand Frames Per Second

Recently my friend Tim showed me a youtube video by a few guys name Slow Mo Guys.  Basically they take random stuff and they film it in super slow motion 5,000 fps or even 10,000 fps.  First I watched these guys try to break a giant water balloon.  Then I watch a few more.  But it was the video of the guy putting out flames with a garden hose, that really got to me.  Then today I watched this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNI-LIVs-to

It was two droplets of color dropping into another liquid.  Again I found my self moved.  So, since this blog was originally designed to be the source or creative juice for songwriting, during seasons of writers block, here is my take away.

We often talk about eternity, and how long that is. Or how God's timing isn't our timing.  Sometimes we talk about how long it takes God to step in an act, answer a prayer or change a situation.  I've often thought when I meet him face to face, I'll ask him those questions.  Then there is the poem footprints in the sand. There are two set of footprints in the sand, they represent God walking next to me, but in the darkest times of my life there is only one set.  We have all heard the saying, that is when God carried us.  I heard one recently where the person noticed a long deep gouge in the sand with no foot prints. Then God says...."That's when I dragged you."  Man I thought that was hilarious.  But back to the timing thing.  Recently I attended a 3DM training on discipleship.  It was great.  They talked about Chronos Time and Kyros Time.  Chronos time is measured in 1,2,3,4.  Kyros time is measured in..."I had a great time"  It is like it is measured in emotion of feelings, or better yet an experience.

This is where the slowmoguys youtube videos come in.  I'm watching this guy start a fire and then put it out with a spray hose.  I found myself amazed at the beauty of the way the flames danced.  The way the water danced and met the flames and then transformed into a new dance that included smoke, mist, flame and water.  It was, to say the least, beautiful.  Then like someone splashing cold water on me they showed the video in real time.  There was an abrupt jerk back to reality. It was over in a second or two.  But at Ten Thousand Frames Per Second, it was magical.

That is when it hit me, back to reality, that was reality.  It was just a reality that I couldn't appreciate because it all happened so fast.  Kinda of like our life sometimes. I was caught in between Chronos and Kyros simultaneously.  I had an experience watching details that were previously hidden to me because of Chronos.

That is when the song idea hit.  God sees us and our lives that way all the time. When we are waiting for a painful experience to end, he is watching the beautiful collision and recognizing each and every nuance of how it will ripple out and affect not only our lives, but the lives of everyone we encounter after that.  He sees how time seems to stand still for us, as the world explodes around us.  He is never late. He just has the ability to see everything in both times simultaneously, and all the angles as well. If there was a frame speed of Eternity per second, I can't imagine what we would see. Maybe that explains some of the beauty of being in His presence.

After watching these videos, I have a desire for my 2013 new years resolution. To try and embrace the Chronos and the Kyros in the same moment.  To try and slow things down enough to see the beauty in everything and not just the end result.  And more importantly to know that my life is viewed in that aspect from the Creator of Heaven and Earth. He is truly making a beautiful collision of the here and the now and the there and the not yet.  It is His Kingdom on earth, and His Kyros with our Chronos.

I'm not sure how many make this a song yet, but I think I will "Enjoy The Time Trying, no matter how long it takes"

My Personal Experience With Gun Control

I keep seeing all these posts on gun control so I thought I would share my personal story.

My father is a retired Major General from the Army.  For you non military brats that s a Two Star General.  I’ve seen him hold his gun once, and that was early one morning in Germany when the “other” phone rang.  I hadn’t heard that ring since leaving the States.  I ran in the room to see what was going on and he was holstering it.  

My brother in laws all hunt, many of my coworkers hunt as well.  I’ve fired a rifle several times in my life and held a few 9mm hand guns.  Pretty cool.  I have a pastor friend of mine that use to counsel in prisons and owns several hand guns to protect his family, as he says...I can’t win a hand to hand combat match in the middle of the night.

But here is my story.  I was living in Pittsburgh PA I had a good friend and co worker that had moved to Florida and was back visiting family. We decided to meet after work at McDonalds.  Around 9:30PM I left the mall at the top of the hill and drove down the hill to the McDonalds pictured.

I was parked at the end of the raised portion of the parking lot about where that white van is parked.  I had my suit on and my brief case and then my friend and her baby came in.  We sat and chatted for a second and then I got up to order my food.  Not realizing that I left my wallet in my brief case back at the table in my brief case.  When I got to the front of the line, I heard the woman behind me gasp and hold in a scream.  I spun around just in time to see a tennis shoe fly past my face and over the counter.  The woman behind me had the fear of God in her face. And she was staring at what ever was behind me.

I turned around to see a handgun two inches from my face.  I looked at the gun and then looked up and saw a man with a black ski mask over his head, but all I could see was the drops of sweat that would drop from his forehead past his very wide eyes that never blinked, onto his check below that was hidden by the bottom of the mask.

Then I looked back down at the gun.  I could see the blue steel on the gun, and I could see the tips of each of the bullets in the revolver chamber waiting to be fired.  He shouted...”Get the F*** down.”  I laughed and started patting my pockets. First my chest then my pants pockets.  I remember thinking “where did I put that remote, because this channel is way too real and I would really like to change the channel right now.”

He shouted again, “I aint playin’ with you, get the F*** down.” All of the sudden it got very real.  Everyone in the store was already laying down on the ground and the staff behind the counter was screaming and crying.  I got into a runners position on all fours and thought, I can make it to the door...I’m outta here.  Just then the gunman shouted “If any of you try to leave my posse will gun you down in the parking lot.”  

In that moment I surrendered and laid down on the floor.  I remember feeling the grout lines of the tile through my dress shirt and tie.  And then I felt a horrible thing. Like someone had pour glue all over me.  No, it wasn’t blood.  It was a spiritual sick feeling.  I remember thinking how easily I surrendered to someone who threatened my physical life but how I seem to dance with the devil in my spiritual life and that threatens my salvation.  I felt sick all of the sudden.

While I laid there on the floor my friend Janet took her son and hid him in the corner of a small merry go round they had in a play area.  I remember looking at her hiding.  The gunman got into the safe and cash registers while the drive through line was piling up. To the point that I could see cars directly through the window.  Why these people never looked inside to see 40 people all laying on the floor was beyond me.  You could hear people over the drive-thru yelling why no one was taking their order.  Finally the young woman with the head set flipped her mic on and said we are being held up, we would appreciate it if you would call the police.  That is when all we heard were cars pulling out of the drive-thru at drag racing speed.  

The gunman then climbed back over the counter into the dining area and started waving his gun demanding wallets and jewelry.  That is when I got scared because I left my wallet at my table and if he followed me back there he would see my friend hiding and might get startled.  So I told him I didn’t have mine and he moved onto the next person.  Then he ran out of the store.  Some people started to really break down we were all still laying on the floor.  

That’s when he came back into the store. That is when we thought we were all going to die.  Turn out his get-away car took off when they heard the sirens decending on McKnight road.  

The gunman walked over and held the gun over the back of my hands which were covering my head.  He said “Get up brutha”  I thought maybe there is another black guy he is talking to.  I kinda lifted my head and looked. Way back in the back of the restaurant was a black guy hiding behind a chair. He was terrified and way too far away so I figured he was talking to me. I got up and he shouted “where’s your car”  and he put the gun in my back and we headed outside.  I heard my friend Janet cry “He is taking Charlie.”  Walked outside and by that time even I could hear the sirens.  The gunman got really nervous and began to walk faster than I did until his arm holding the gun was ahead of me. I thought I could bring my arm down on the gun, use my elbow to break his nose, then kick his leg out from under him and slam his head into the ground on the way down...............Yeah, none of that happened.  I whimped out.  

The gunman told me “Get in the car”  that is where I kinda drew the line.  I said, you don’t need me, here take the car.  I handed him the keys and he spun around put the gun in my face again and said “Run”  I thought about bobbing and weaving, but no, I turned so fast to run that I pulled every ligament in both my knees.  I ran straight up to the security booth for the apartment complex at the top of the hill.  I ran through the door and the blinds and scared the crap out of the booth attendant.  I yelled call the police, and he said I did already.  So I stepped back out of the both just in time to see a car at the red light at the bottom of the hill. I thought this is the dumbest criminal ever to wait for the light to turn green.

That’s when I noticed my car was still in the parking lot, wipers going, lights flashing.  Turns out the Gunman couldn’t drive a stick shift. that’s when he jumped over the retaining wall and landed about 8’ down on the road right in front of the police car.  The officer got out stood behind his door and drew his weapon. The gunman fired and the officer fired back and I’m standing behind the gunman up the hill right in the line of fire.  

Thinking I’m about to get shot, I dove into some juniper bushes near the apartment security booth. 

The cops found him, and because he took his mask off outside they brought him to me to identify.  I did and that was that.  In court later he was charged with 27 counts of armed robbery because he had a gun in his hand when he asked all those people for the wallets one at a time.

So here is my feeling on Gun Control, if you can keep them out of the hands of those type of people go for it.  But if someone breaks in my house in the middle of the night, last time I checked I’m no Liam Neesom, so I will need as much fire power as I can to win that fight.  

Funny thing though, after my robbery and carjacking all in the same night.  I didn’t buy a gun.  I couldn’t eat inside a restaurant for years after that.  I still have a hard time watching black and white video of security cameras when they catch a robbery because I’ve never seen any actor act the actual fear that happens in that situation.

Yes I want my kids safe, and I often had daydreams when my kids started attending at the same school my wife teaches in, because my entire family is in one place.

I push back that fear all the time but if they want to hire a police officer that’s packing, I would be totally cool with that.  I still think they only thing that stops a crazy man with a gun....any type of gun. Is a sane person with an equal or bigger gun.

Maybe that is the military brat in me, but that’s my personal experience with guns.  Feel free to discuss.

In Tragedy, Look For The Helpers

It has been said that who ever tells the best story wins the culture.  It has been a while since I blogged and the purpose of my blog is usually to serve as future song writing inspiration.  However, today a friend and fellow band mate, shared a quote from the mother of Mr. Rogers.  So, instead of diving into the recent events in Connecticut, I thought I would look back at an event that took place ten months ago in our worship community. I chose this event because it is often too hard to see God's hand in the midst of tragedy. But given time, it becomes very clear.

I believe God is the creator of a wonderful tapestry.  He creates a mosaic made up of all the shattered and broken pieces of our lives.  When we see only the broken part, it is easy to feel discouraged.  But when lifted up by someone or something, we can often see the beginnings of that tapestry, that beautiful mosaic, a bigger work in progress.  It doesn’t justify the broken, the evil, the tragedy or the pain.  It does ensure these things don’t happen in vain.  It creates an opportunity to BE the church and through us, watch God take all these things and create something beautiful from them.

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world." - Mr. Fred Rogers 

This is my story of encountering “the church” and I don’t mean little c, as in a denomination or movement. I mean Big "C" as in the individual faces of the church.  The big "C", are those who simply love God and love people. By this creed, they serve. Some stories are powerful, but often times they can leave me feeling like I’m not good enough.  Stories that hint at “you might not be able to do what this person did, but you can do something.”  “You might not be able to go to Katrina Victims or Tsunami ravaged towns, or Haiti, but you can do something.”  Often my flesh hears...”You’ll never be as good as them. But sometimes just being you is all you need. Being you sometimes makes a situation better than you thought it could be, and better than you thought you could be.  Just being you, in service to someone in need, is the only thing God needs to begin that tapestry. 

For me, three weeks in 2012, was that time.  I led worship the weekend of February 26th. That was also the weekend of our new sound system installation. I had invited a bag pipe player to perform the Fray's new song "Be Still"  with me. That was Saturday night.  The next morning I led worship three more times, then headed out for my daughters soccer game. 
I was on my way when I got the call from a good friend of mine. He told me Mike's wife had been trying to get in touch with you.  I immediately called her.  She answered the phone screaming that Mike was dead. She was out of town at the time and it was clear she felt pretty out of control and helpless.  I was at the exit for their house when I made the call, so I pulled off the highway and headed to their home.  I called their daughter on the way and she answered the phone shouting “my daddy’s dead.” It was the worst series of phone calls one should ever hear. In that moment I knew my friend was gone.  Mike was his name, he played bass on our worship team and was a huge part of our volunteer community. He was the third worship team member that passed away over a 3 year period. Sadly, he would not be the last. Looking back, that was the moment I met the church.  The Big Church! 

I arrived at their house to find a police officer doing police business, taking statements, getting names of loved ones and getting timelines in order.  As soon as that was done, he began to counsel their daughters. Turns out, he used to be a youth pastor. 

Then there is Mike’s wife, who while in shock, was comforted by her employer. She found her a flight and someone to meet her at the airport when she arrived back home.  Mike's wife was terrified of flying, but she took great comfort when she got on the plane to take her seat and the woman next to her said "I don't know what you are going through, but I am praying for you." Mike's wife described the woman as a former Navy pilot who was now a doctor who just happened to sit next to her on the plane. That doctor engaged her in conversation, asked about her husband and explained every fearful sound that the plane was making. Mike's wife later said, this doctor was so kind, she even walked me off the plane all the way to my friends who were waiting for me at arriving flights and, gave me a hug when she left.  The two friends who came to pick her up at the airport, said no one was there with her. No one walked her off the plane and no one stayed with her while she walked toward arriving flights.  I believe that was truly an angel.

When the dust began to settle from the worst day in the life of this family it became apparent they had no life insurance, health insurance or real savings. A switch kinda flipped for me and I went into project and strategic planning mode. BC5. I built a web site and created a PayPal snippet. The percussionist who played with Mike, wrote a big story on his Facebook page about Mike and what this family was going to need.  The keyboard player hosted the website for us. People responded by asking where they could send the money.  

The website went live on a Monday night around 4:30PM.  Our goal was to raise enough money to cover Mike’s final expenses.  Once the site went live people started donating. A guitar player that played with Mike, reached out to a friend he knew owned a funeral home. The owner waived all of his usual fees and offered to conduct the funeral for us at what ever his cost was for a car, casket, and fees.  A close family friend who had recently helped them to go on a family vacation, donated a burial plot. The pictures from that family vacation would turn out to be priceless treasures of moments captured in time. The funeral home owner called in a favor with a flower shop to have the spray of flowers on top of the casket provided at a huge discount.

Monday night we had an idea of what we needed to pay for Mike’s final expenses.  Three other woman close to the family began providing meals by way of a website. People could register to bring a certain dish but also view what the family had already been provided.  

I received a call from a friend checking in about the website. While we were on the phone, donations were coming in at a rate of $100 per minute.  It was overwhelming. In four hours we had the entire funeral costs covered.  The Church wasn’t done yet.  In six hours we had enough to buy the plot next to Mike to give his wife some piece of mind or donate it back to the person who gave theirs.  

Two days into this we were all pretty wiped out.  Tuesday morning we awoke to find over $10,000.00 in the account and the money kept coming in.  We began to plan Mike’s final celebration with the family.  A few minutes of planning, then 20 minutes of story telling, memory sharing and tears.  Then a few more minutes of planning, praying and more tears.  That process repeated for hours and hours.

At the end of another long day of counseling with the family, I walked out of my office on Wednesday flat out exhausted. My phone rang.  It was the spouse of a member of our worship team.  She asked how I was doing.  I was honest.  I said "I’ve hit a wall and I need help." I asked her to send reinforcements.  That night at my house the church showed up again.  A singer and elementary school teacher on the team, typed up the notes from the family. She created an obituary and crafted a draft to give to a graphic designer who offered to design the program for free.  A friend and former co-worker who happens to be an admin guru sat in my home office scanning bags of high resolution photos for Mike’s slide show.  Another friend and small business owner made a spreadsheet of everything that was rolling around in my head and others that were providing services to the family.  My wife was on itunes buying all the songs that the family wanted for the playlist behind the photos.  Several hours later we were done and I was able to think about the worship set for the funeral. I was amazed at how people simply served in the areas that they were naturally gifted in that night.  Even in the midst of that we were able to comfort each other.

The hospitality director of our church scheduled a story telling time at a house.  We all gathered and told the funny stories we remembered from knowing Mike.  It officially started the healing process. 

This is where God really began to show Himself to me.  During worship at the funeral where I use my iPad as a music stand.  Donations kept popping up over my chord charts  while we were singing.  We were still getting donations alerts from PayPal.

After the funeral, I came home and started a letter writing campaign to over 30 car manufacturers,  car dealerships and small businesses.  I believed that God was going to gift them a brand new car.  Mike and his family had been driving a 1998 minivan with 216,000 miles on it.  It was on its 3rd or 4th transmission, no A/C and you had to put the key in or put a screwdriver in the ignition and then hit it with a wooden mallet, that they kept in their car, just to get it to start.

During the grieving process, Mike’s wife started wearing all of his clothes and covering them with his Cologne. This is where another member of the Big Church steps in. Another friend of the worship community, designed and hand made three survivor bands.  He made them just for Mike's wife and their two daughters. They could spray his cologne on it and wear it on their wrists. Just to make help with the healing process.  

Three days later after paying for all the funeral expenses we had $6,900.00 left over, another $11,000.00 in new donations in the PayPal account and $1,700.00 in a local bank Memorial fund.  We made all these plans to leave all this money for the family because someone was going to gift them a car.  We just claimed it.

Three weeks went by and nothing but declines, and condolence phone calls telling me there was nothing these dealers could do. Their house had plumbing problems, a 26 year old hot water tank and a bathroom that had to be gutted.  

Friends of the family had given Mike their word that they would help him get that bathroom fixed. Big C stepped up again and they began that remodel.  A plumber donated and installed a new hot water tank. Friends and relatives came out to help clean out the garage and a local contractor from the church called in some friends that gave us great discounts on a brand new garage door and gutters.  A Habitat for Humanity coordinator came and installed all new outdoor lighting since they had hardly any working exterior lights and it just wasn’t safe.

Still no car.  That’s when I started questioning God.  I wrote Ellen and Oprah and I thought for sure someone would come through. God had another plan, once again it would fall to the responsibility of the Big C, those who love God and love people and most importantly serve them.  

I kind of got upset with God and said, “I believed you would gift them a car....what’s up?”

God replied, “I did, the money is in the bank.”  Like every conversation I have with God it went something like this...”No God, you don’t understand, we want to leave the cash for the family. We need a free car gifted to them.”  God replied again, “ I did, the money is in the bank.” After a pause I began feeling like God was reshaping my perspective on this. I called a fellow pastor who was managing the donations with me and doing some free financial counseling with the family. I told him what I felt I heard God say. His reply was... ”No Charlie, you don’t understand, we want to leave the cash for the family, we need a free car gifted to them.”

Then God said in the only way that I tend to hear him; “ you asked for funeral costs, and you got em." "And you got enough to buy the space for his wife next to him.”  You asked for a new car, and you got it." "You have enough money to pay cash for one and still have $6000.00 left over to spend fixing up the house.”  

At the end of the day, we decided to say, "Church, job well done."

Later that week, on what would have been their 16th Wedding Anniversary, a bunch of us arrived at the car dealership and waited for Mike's wife to arrive. When Mike’s wife arrived, she was able to manage a hint of a smile. A friend who attended the church worked out a great deal at the dealership where he worked. We wrote a check for her first brand new car that day.  Then we all climbed in it and took pictures. She drove off with no loan, and tears in her eyes. As she explains, Mike use to always go to Jungle Jim's and on the way back, they would stop off at that exact dealership and look at new cars.  Mike would always say, “someday, someday I’ll get you a brand new car so you won’t ever have to worry about transportation or breaking down again.”

That evening she brought her new car home. She parked it in her garage with a new door and keyless entry pad. She walked into a safe, well lit house, after a day of volunteering at church. She had a working bathroom and hot water.

God began weaving into that tapestry in the moments after Mike passed away.  Two years earlier I mentioned that we lost another team member who had left our community to take a church nearby, then suddenly passed away. Here are some other strands of God's tapestry. The car salesman at the dealership was the guest pastor who filled in at that church while they grieved the loss of their pastor and looked to find a replacement.

Another strand of that tapestry was a woman who worked at the car dealership.  She asked what was going on when she saw us all gathered around the sales table taking pictures. The salesmen told her hundreds of people from their community donated money, so they are buying a new car for her. The woman asked, “what type of church does that for someone?”  That sales clerk showed up at church the next weekend. It was a weekend where we were celebrating the fresh water wells in Nigera that our church helped to fund and build. That weekend we had more people of color than not on the stage.  We performed a song called "Wade In The Water"  Marcia Caulton (Mardy) as we called her performed that song like only she could. After the celebration a woman came up to Mardy, and said, "I don’t know how to tell you this, but my husband was delivered from Racism during worship this morning." Mardy was a singer on our team, she also sang at Mike's funeral, and she was at the dealership that morning when we piled into that new car for pictures.  Mardy passed away just a few months after Mike and the entire city must have shown up for her funeral.

So I close with this.  I live by the scripture, “Man makes his plans but the Lord guides his steps.”  While we were all making plans and acting in our strengths, God is weaving them into the lives of broken an hurting people and creating a beautiful mosaic. For our community we were good at pastoral care, organization, planning, counseling, fundraising, worship, wheeling and dealing, writing, buying, graphic design, networking, building, repairing, handyman, plumbing, electrical work, hospitality and social networking. God was using the skills of the community to tell a bigger story.

You see, if one person had donated a car, the glory and attention would have gone to Ellen, or Oprah, or a local auto dealership. Instead of the 262 individuals that donated. So now we all get weaved into that tapestry. Now the glory goes to God because His church the Big "C" showed up.

Now every donation from the $4.50 cent donations to the thousand dollar donations are weaved into this story.  People used whatever gift they had, no matter how small or large and offered it into this story. God took all the little things and the the big things and created a beautiful picture with it.   A picture that tells the story of Tragedy, Support, Love, Hope and eventually Healing.

I learned a valuable lesson those three weeks in 2012. Community is EVERYTHING! The words engraved in the side of our church building really have life changing meaning. 

That “SMALL THINGS DONE WITH GREAT LOVE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD!”

No matter how small you think your contribution is, God will take it and make something magnificent out of it.

The body of Christ came alive for me in three weeks in 2012 and has not ceased to amaze me since.  I felt like I got to sit on God’s lap. He let me see things the way He sees them. I saw them from a higher perspective. It is truly a life changing experience to see the Body Of Christ, Be The Body Of Christ.

So in light of the CT. Tragedy, I hope in this story you will find comfort. For if we look at the helpers, we will see the hand of God.  And when we join hands with that, it is well with our souls.  

Thanks for taking the time to read this and this week Mike’s wife found new love and was married.  Sometimes God even puts sprinkles on top.