Monday, October 13, 2014

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words...and then some.

As I declutter my computer, I always pause at the photos. A face appears that I haven’t seen in a while or sadly, someone who is no longer with us. I get emotional and tears fill my eyes. Then the memories come running back to a time I was face to face with that person. Maybe riding next to them in a car, or standing at the kitchen sink as they played with my girls at the kitchen table. Sometimes, it’s a video of them and my eyes are fixed on them. As the camera pans, I adjust my view and lean my head as if to keep them on the screen with me a little longer. I miss the friends and family I’ve lost. Do their faces need to fade because it is too painful to keep them with us all the time? Does the sound of their voice need to weaken in our ears because we could not hear the life around us and move forward if it stayed? Somehow a simple photos is no longer comforting. It becomes a bitter sweet reminder that the voice is silenced, the song has ended and the love, knowledge and wisdom they had, is no longer accessible to us as we grow. We will never hear their voice again, not over the phone, not singing from a stage. No more lazy nights watching a movie together and hearing them laugh or in many cases snore, just because they wanted to be in the same room with us. That joke you would call and tell them just doesn’t feel as funny without their laugh on the other end.  That cool car you saw in a parking lot and took a picture of, doesn’t mean as much because their email address has been deleted. When all you want to do is talk to them but you forgot that phone call won’t be answered. That moment when you delete the voice mails and like a vapor, the world absorbs what’s left. When your brothers or sisters call you, and for a brief second they sound like the one you are missing so desperately. I don’t have any good answers for this. I have no great wisdom to share.  Just that life is supposed to be lived with people, in their company. That all of us should be making memories. Writing the stories and the songs of our life that those that love us will tell when we are gone. That some day, someone will come across our photo and pause. Hopefully by then we will have left something of value for them to both cry and laugh about. Maybe a song, a story, a bit of wisdom, or just a memory of time spent with them, that the earth has long since swallowed up. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry for your loss and your obvious pain. I just took a punch to the gut reading this post. The recollections that randomly appear and cause our hearts to ache and our eyes to flood is like a desperately homesick child. I can only imagine the joy we'll have when we're called home to be with our Father and into the arms of those we so deeply miss. Thanks Charlie!